im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We smell like vodka and hangover
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