areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
