You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
