I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
