For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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