Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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