Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
