party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
