Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
