I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
