Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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