you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
