no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
