He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
