now i know why i became what i already was.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
