Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
