Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
