Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
