Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
