Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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