i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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