Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
