Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
