dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
