I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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