oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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