i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
