The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
