ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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