I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
