i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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