yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
