i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
