i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
