time to smoke my breakfast
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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