Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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