this will be a night to untag.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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