I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
