you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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