we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
