And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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