I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
