for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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