Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
