We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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