If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
