new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
