Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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