We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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