ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
