Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
