I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
