yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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