My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
