win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
