i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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