So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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